| The Frenzy Inside (Born of Betrayal) |
[12 Apr 2006|09:39am] |
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It's dark in here and I want out now / but the door is locked and no one has a key / I'm not even me / I'm a disease / I want to make someone fucking bleed / I want to see smoke rising from the ashes of the waste I've laid to the entire fucking planet / I've fucking HAD IT - up to here / I know no more fear because I've nothing left to lose, you want some fucking proof? / I don't want to think, don't want to feel, don't want anything real ever again / just wanna get so far out of my head that anyone with half a brain would swear I was dead / I want to shiver, slither, shove it up in her / Want to lick the blood from her breast and the sweat from her brow / Want sex and violence right fucking now / Something just snapped in my brain and everything changed / I want to lay the poet to rest, let the criminal come to life and do his wicked best / Want a hail of bullets to be my last sight / Want to look into the eyes of a victim as they die / As I plunge a blade into the throat of an angel and let my true nature show / I want to hear the gurgle and the gasp as their life just fucking withers / I'M A REBORN FUCKING KILLER / Every 6 seconds I shake with a violence / I shudder / Bought on by the utter emptiness that's taken over / I may have been beaten / I may have been murdered / But in death I'll take every urge further / Because I'm free now that I'm dead / I'M FUCKING SICK IN THE HEAD / You'd do well to just stay away, or you'll lose the right to say you never looked death in the face / Death that was betrayed by love, twice over, betrayed by God even more / FUCK THE FATES, I'll follow the Furies / My hate is a cause for worry / I've got a machine gun mind and an atomic mouth to tell the story / And this will be my glory - to seethe, to bleed, to believe in nothing / To walk the dead's path with devils accompanying / With the seeds of hate sown / The reckoning day is the reaping / And when the harvest comes / No enemy is above the reaving / This is born of betrayal...
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| Never Take Me Alive |
[12 Apr 2006|09:10am] |
They'll never take me
Never, ever take me alive
Till the day I die
I will live and breathe this life
Black around my eyes,
Never ending nights
I am alive
And electric
And it's no surprise
Well respected
Fire forever
Till the day I die.
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| Still You Pray |
[29 Mar 2006|04:37pm] |
The clock turns...
On the 6th year since you left the world
I've no flower to lay
On your modest grave
But I'll rest my hand there
Brush the snow away
And place memories
Like a fresh cut bouquet
And with the cold sunshine on my face
A tear will make it's way
To your name, I can't hide...
And I'll feel your ghost wrap around me again
And I'll hear you praying from the other side
You'll pray...
"Bless the child
Elohim, keep his heart alive
El-Shaddai..
If only his wings could allow him to fly
Oh, Yaveh...
Glory go down deep inside him today
my Lord, my Lord, my Lord...
Let my son be saved"
Still you pray...
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| Deception, Part II (Murder Was Her Name) |
[30 Dec 2005|05:57pm] |
Starlight... starbright
I'd make a wish
But there aren't any stars out tonight
Wish I may
Wish I might
Make a wish to finish this tonight
I'm so tired...
But I'm not going to sleep
Until it's light
JUST WALK AWAY
And don't ever look back
Forget my name
And my face
And every song that I sang when you asked
As the shadow falls
I'll rebuild every wall
Every brick I use
A memory of you
And every lie you told...
And each part of me
That you'll never hold
AGAIN
A bitter goodbye
I lower my eyes
The sun just fell out of the sky
(What was her name?)
Such a shame
To end such a day
This way
Murder was her name
Remember when
We stole every star?
The night we met...
Every breath
Every love ever made, we made ours
Now the heart is hard
And the room is dark
Every piece of us
Is just scattered dust
And fragments on the ground
All pieces of me
Never to be found
AGAIN
A bitter goodbye
I lower my eyes
The sun just fell out of the sky
(What was her name?)
Such a shame
To end such a day
This way
Murder was her name
Too many bends in the road
Made it too hard to see where this would go
But everyone knows
You cant't see your way to a runaway soul
Too much of giving myself
Made it too hard to just cry out for help
And now every step
Tells
Of just how hard I fell
A bitter goodbye
I lower my eyes
The sun just fell out of the sky
(What was her name?)
Such a shame
To end such a day
This way
Murder was her name
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| To Dearly Remembered Friends |
[30 Dec 2005|05:56pm] |
We fell like stars didn't we?
Streaking across the sky at dusk
Etching ourselves into a memory
Held dear by some witness
To the beauty of burning out
and falling... falling... tumbling,
Over and about
You and I, we will be remembered...
Those were our names tagged on that wall
And under that bridge where the snow glistens
This far-off afternoon
We talk of a time
When we took the concrete
And made it into a merry-go-round
So boldened and noble, so noticed
By the gods of mirth and chaos
That they made us into stars
And pinned us up
Among the fabric that holds those tiny lights
In the full moon light of the tripped-out sky
And said
"Fall... and remember."
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| The Eve of Emanuel |
[30 Dec 2005|05:54pm] |
It's the eve of Emanuel
And we dropped a bomb on your head
Who said "Goodwill toward men?"
We only meant toward those men
Who fall in line
And peace on Earth?
Who were you praying to?
WE are your gods
Your Alpha
And more importantly, your Omega
The Stars and Stripes
Are the new crucifix
And the star of Bethlehem
Is just a flashpoint in the new order
Flashpoint of the bomb we sent
On the eve of Emanuel
Merry Christmas, motherfucker.
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| This Way To The Light |
[06 Sep 2005|06:45pm] |
We burned so bright
That firelit night
Skin to skin, so much within
This way to the light...
This way to the light.
We stayed for days
We knew the way
Breath to ear, without a fear
This way to the light...
This way to the light
You remember it too
... I know you do.
Pushed down inside, yet it refuses to die
This way to the light...
This way to the light.
These poisoned words
I know we've both heard
Serve to sway the heart, back into the dark
This way to the light...
This way to the light.
My hand is there
My soul is bared
Whatever it takes, before the dawn breaks
This way to the light...
This way to the light.
Just one more chance
Let's dance this dance
The brightest day, don't throw it away
This way to the light...
This way to the light.
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| Touch Electric |
[06 Sep 2005|03:23pm] |
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My heart still starts to beat faster
with just one thought of you
and I know yours does too
with every thought of the shock I send through
Body, heart and soul
...you know...
that this is what you want
Cause you know I touch electric
And you know my love is endless
you know your body...
and you know I know it too.
You know I make you breathe harder
than any other could, ever
You know I make your heart stop
Every time you look at me
And you know you do the same...
You can remove me from your sight
But in the middle of a lonely night,
when only I can meet your needs
You know any other would only be a bore...
So come back to me and take what's yours.
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| To Rest She Goes (for kelli.) |
[17 Jul 2005|12:42pm] |
Somehow beautiful
She let fall flowers of blood
Even when she was black and blue
Even when the bruises weren't always on the outside
They never healed
They never faded
She drew me
More than once
She threw me
coffee beans
I just thought of her the other day.
She told me once
"I know I'm going to die
Of some horrid thing
Of some disease
That you should be getting
...smoker."
She never let me go decaffinated.
She never let me go hungry.
If only she had known earlier
Such a short lived fight...
To rest now she goes
And I hope it's a peaceful one
In a clear, starry sky
Where all her self-depreciation
Floats away on Angel's wings
Like an angel's dreams...
To rest she goes.
The last time I talked to her, her cancer was in remission. That was in March. I haven't talked to her since. I just found out she passed away this last week. God, I remember how much pride she took in not smoking, not drinking, not doing drugs, I mean she barely even took in caffiene. She always said. "I know I'm going to die of cancer, even though I don't smoke." I can't believe she was right.
I just wish I could have talked to her. Let her know that I was still thinking about her and hoping she got through this ok.
How did this even happen? How did she go from something like a 80% survival chance, with her cancer in remission only 2 weeks after she was diagnosed, to passing away 3 months later??
God, she was such a good friend to me. Totally insane and obsessed. But selfless and with a heart the size of the ocean. I can't even tell you how much I'm gonna miss her.
Why??!!
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| "To The Cutter" |
[21 Jun 2005|08:08pm] |
In your silent, sorry solitude
You make payment to your
Fickle, feeble deity of folly
And you call that sacrifice?
I name you COWARD.
"Oh, I can't handle the pain
"These cuts will take it all away"
You make me sick to my stomach I say.
Languishing lost love
As a pool of blood
Collects
In the space between pristine skin
And damned, damaged flesh
Does that scar wear like a badge?
Can that space contain all your secrets?
You lie in state, waiting to be saved
ANTE THE FUCK UP AND GET ON WITH IT.
Pain is a process, and to rush the protocol,
To protect yourself from taking the lesson
LIKE A MAN
Is to run from the Becoming.
But you can go on ahead
And lie there in your bed
At your pretend, pre-planned wake
Like the corpse you are,
You fucking fake.
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| time |
[08 Feb 2005|01:03pm] |
Slow it down, just a bit please
Things are going away much too fast for me
Just let me taste of this fire
A little while longer
Let the flame of desire
Burn a bit stronger
Let me find what I've been searching for soon
Before life takes its toll and my fuel is consumed
The more it goes by
The faster it dies
And I'm just not ready
Not just yet...
Not till I can say
"I'll have no regrets"
Let my engine burn down this highway
another day,
Or two, or many more than that
Time's moving too fast
Let me look forward, not behind
Let me keep a hand on beauty
While the other hand steers
Just let me keep moving...
Let me keep moving.
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| apart from the flock (questions asked in prideful anger before an unanswering god) |
[07 Feb 2005|12:45am] |
Where did you go?
Or rather, where did I?
When was the sabotage planned?
What happened while I wasn't looking?
They told me
You told me
"I am always with you"
That I
Was of the flock
of a faithful shepherd.
But would not a shepherd
more actively seek
To recover one of his wandering sheep?
But then again,
I suppose a fisher of men
would not jump into turbulent waters
To reclaim a bite
that had wriggled off of the hook.
You see they showed me this book
And said "Here, have a look...
Salvation lies within."
It told me all things came from you
But if that's true
Why does it say you are not the author of evil?
They taught me
That you would never give me more than I could handle.
But this personal epic battle
Has been raging for too many years
This sheep has shed too many tears.
And now that sheep is back at the fence
Part of it dying to make amends
The other part still counted among Evil's friends,
And just plain likes it here.
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| Sword or Pen |
[03 Feb 2005|05:45pm] |
Choose a weapon
And let it be said
Choose like a soldier
For we are all dead
Or choose like a poet
For we brim with life
In the quiet stagnation
Can such a thing be right?
It could be argued
That in spite of our curse
We're endowed to create
Given to prose and to verse
It could also be posed
With just as much truth
That our nature is violence
Untamed and uncouth
So do we choose to create
Or go the way of the gun?
Do we enter the fray,
or at the fight turn and run?
As for me, I must say
That both hands can hold
So it only makes sense
That I will choose both.
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| Ghost City |
[03 Feb 2005|05:33pm] |
You're still a shot of poison, you're still death on wheels
you're still a dangerous toxin, but I still have nerves of steel.
I will escape you again.
Your grasp of skeletal fingers
with methamphetamine nails
can't puncture my skin anymore
I've been scarred too heavily
and even you aren't strong enough
to pierce this thickened flesh
The nights back me like bricks
I am stronger than death
I am more powerful than pain
I will steal away
at some near hour, back into life
Whether you like it or not
You ghost
You shell
You shadow of a city
You have my pity
But you will not have my pride.
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| Count the raindrops |
[09 Sep 2004|10:22am] |
"Count the raindrops," she said
More brutal than that but you get the gyst
"Count the raindrops, you're dead"
Can you count the murders that spring from the mist?
What I couldn't overcome was my weakness
That weakness that makes me so sick inside
And helps me to treat a flower such as this
With the kind of indifference you save for the side
So she said
"Count the raindrops that fall"
"And count the days that I spent alone"
"Count the raindrops, count them all"
"And maybe you'll see why this sorrow's your own"
And if I'm sorry could save the end of the story
I'd gladly let those words slip from my tongue
But I've already tainted the onset of glory
And you can't stop the eventual death of the sun
So I say
I'll count the raindrops today
And one by one add the wrongs that I've done
I'll count the raindrops, I say
And take full brunt of the pain of that sum
Because in the end we are all victims
Of our own actions for right or for wrong
And when the rain makes that terrible rhythm
I'll know it was my doing that penned this sad song
And I'll count the raindrops again
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| Utility Midget |
[25 Aug 2004|07:18am] |
I think we all need a utility midget
Our own personal little friend
Not one that frowns or one that fidgets
Just a nice little guy or gal to help us out when
We need an extra hand in the kitchen
Or a temporary hat rack on the porch
I think a utility midget would be quite bitchin'
But if a midget heard me say so I might get attacked with a torch.
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| 4 a.m. faces |
[25 Aug 2004|07:12am] |
These are the lost
scraping for dignity on a stock floor
looking for matches to make a fire
in the half light of the graveyard shift
The term "P.O.S." has taken a dual meaning
"P.O.S. Associate"
Point of sale, or Piece of shit?
Associate?
I think the word police need to be fucking shot.
Just call me what I am
Gum on the bottom of your corporate shoe
The rent, the light bill and the phone are all past due
So I'm sticking around because I have to
With maybe a shred of hope that clinging here
to the only sole you have
Might actually get me somewhere
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